Wednesday, 16 April 2014

For The Night Is Dark And Full Of Scandals

Hello all,

Do you ever get the feeling that sometimes your life isn’t real, that it’s just a dream? That the things happening to you are so different and without basis in your experience that you begin to question the reality of everything? Well, over the last month that’s happened to me quite a bit.
   You see, I’ve been out overnight three of the last four weekends. This is completely new to me. It’s almost like I’m developing a social life, with three different gatherings with three different groups of friends. However, it wasn’t just that I’m going out more often. No, it’s that I’m drinking more often. Which means that they’ve been interesting weekends as I drunkenly do and come to realise things about myself that I’d never done before. That includes one thing, one really big thing which is making me do a little happy dance inside. Anyway, because alcohol-soaked memory is weird (and I want you to have a certain level of respect for me), I present to you the 12 Things I Learnt From Being Drunk!

1.       Cross-dressing Is Awesome
This happened on the second weekend. I’d only had one drink, so I wasn’t smashed, but it was just enough to get my confidence up. I’d always wondered what I’d look like in a dress (seeing everyone always mistook me for me a girl) and was at a girl’s house with some friends, when I raised the point that I’d always been fascinated by cross-dressing. Moments later, I was in a red wig and a dress. Photographic evidence exists. If I question the logic of any of my actions this month, it would be that one. Still, it was fun and prompted several of my friends to tell me how well I pulled it off and how nice my legs were. And, thus, the confidence built within me…

2.       Something Scandalous Will Always Happen/Never Have Any Secrets
The second thing I learnt from being drunk is that some of the most memorable and controversial moments of your life are going to happen while you’re drunk. The few parties I’ve been to always end up in tears or some sort of scandalous action which results in everyone feeling a little bit guilty and a little bit awesome the next morning. I have now experienced this. Last weekend, I went to a drinking party (this was specifically billed as one, the others were for birthdays) and it was hosted by this guy which I’ve been attracted to for a fair while now. However, I’ve been keeping my attraction to him a secret. If you have secrets, never get as drunk as I got that night. Seriously, if I’d murdered someone I would’ve confessed. So, of course, I told the guy,  didn’t I? So, what happened next?

3.       Kissing Someone Is Fun
I felt guilty and, after some prompting from a friend, I kissed him.

4.       Kissing Someone You’ve Fancied For A Long Time Is Better
Now, this is a bit weird, for me. I’ve always looked at people kissing and thought, how could that be enjoyable? Your lips are just touching, what’s so intimate? I just questioned the whole thing and I was especially worried because of my sticky-outy Vampire-y teeth (technical term). However, as I was drunk, none of this mattered to me. So I kissed him. And he kissed me back. Passionately. And. It. Was. AMAZING. It is literally impossible to explain how awesome a really good kiss is. I did always want my first one to be special and memorable. And I got my wish. I snogged a guy I’d been attracted to for a while after he called me cute! (James, stop giggling, you have to write this piece!) in the most passionate and memorable way possible. What’s more amusing is that I was fairly convinced I wasn’t going to remember it in the morning. But I did…

5.       Men Kiss Differently
…mainly because my lips were incredibly sore the next morning. His tooth had hit my top lip, so that was swollen and my lips were rubbed raw because of his stubble. I’d often heard that two men kiss differently. I thought it was bollocks. I was wrong, two men kiss with passion and fire. Or maybe, it’s just me. Apparently, I’m an aggressive kisser, though.

6.       Almost Naked Virginity Is A Thing
You cannot imagine the effect that this kiss had on me. Only two weeks ago, I wrote the Depressing Post, and now I’ve been kissed by this really hot guy. I had to find a way to impart this information to my friends. And thus I invented the term PMK. A PMK is a Passionate Man Kiss, defined by its passion and the fact that it takes place between two guys. It has officially become a ‘thing’ around my friends, especially in the wake of Almost Naked Virginity (a term I had come up with to describe the strangeness of having a complete stranger being the first person to see you in just boxers). You can also have  a PLK (Passionate Lady Kiss, between two women) but I doubt that will happen to me… Basically, always make up words.

BOTTLES!  The Lightweight Always Loses The King’s Cup
Going back to the weekend I was only that drunk  because of drinking games, particularly King’s Cup. And of course I lost and had to skull the thing with like 6 standard drinks (and the rest). So I got drunk. And kissed a guy, so I suppose it all worked it. Also, I’d always thought that I’d be a really depressive drunk, but I’m actually more of a touchy-feely one apparently (which is odd to anyone who knows me. I have this huge thing about not liking being touched, or at least being given some warning), which is really weird.

8.       Certain Things Are Best Left Unremembered/The Sentient Drunk
However, it wasn’t as weird as being aware of what I was doing. I’d always thought of drunkenness as being like looking down on your actions and just being taken along by the flow. It’s not really like that. I was aware of every one of my actions. So, I would say this really embarrassing thing I’d kept a secret for years and seconds later, say why did I admit that! It was such a strange feeling, demonstrative of the separation between my head and my body. So, so strange. I will never get used to that.

9.       Real Life Is Far More Inspiring Than Anything I Can Imagine
As an aspiring writer, I look for inspiration everywhere. Sometimes, something will just come to me, other times I have to wait and struggle to find out what works. This happened with this one story. I had these two characters who had both been crushing on each other for a LONG time, but neither had admitted it. Earlier, I just had them tell one another. Now, I have them drunkenly kiss. Yeah, real life inspiration. The same thing happened at the first party after I moved the glowsticks in a darkened field to spell out DIE. Possibly the creepiest thing I’ve ever done.

10.    Everything Adults Told Me About Alcohol Was A Lie
When adults talk about alcohol, they talk about it as damaging. You’ll do things you regret and you’ll get addicted to it and become an alcoholic. Well, that’s crap. I did things which I would never have done normally, but it’s proved to be one of the best things I’ve done in ages, because now I’m actually talking the guy. I would never have had the confidence to do that before. And now I have a taste for alcohol doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to become addicted. It’s all about control and moderation and I’m quite good at that (that’s why this tri-party thing was so weird).

11.    Friends Are The Best
No, seriously, they are. Before I started going to Uni, I had one or two good friends (who I am still friends with!), and now, I have friends divided by circles. It’s weird and it’s amazing. Because of my friends, I’ve been exposed to all these things I’ve never done before and become a stronger, better person as a result. Going to three parties in a row was something I’d often wondered about, as was kissing someone, and to have that happen is like a dream come true. So, to the friends who I walked around with in a creepy graveyard, played twister with, talked about disturbing films with, stopped me drunkenly texting my friends and told me to just kiss him, I thank you. You’re awesome. I promise I’m not drunk, I’m just happy.

12.    I Am Allowed To Be Happy
And that’s been the best thing about these last four weekends. I’ve learnt that I am actually allowed to be happy. I don’t have to be so depressed, I don’t deserve to be. I can be happy and good things can happen to me. I’ve been more confident and smiled so much that it’s starting to feel weird (I can’t remember the last time I’ve smiled this much. I swear people look at me in the street, listening to Taylor Swift with a grin on my face and wonder what drugs I’ve taken). And that’s been amazing and memorable and beautiful. And yeah, I am happier now than I think I’ve ever been. For once, my happiness isn’t based on the crush I’ve had on some straight boy who smiled at me or because I came up with a kickass novel idea. It’s because something within me has changed and I feel better, because I am awesome and I don’t realise that enough. Oh, and…

13.    Kissing Someone Is REALLY Fun. REALLY REALLY FUN. (Just sayin’)

That was 13. No, I can’t count. So, I’m having a good week. And I feel awesome. May it continue. See you all next week.

The Playlist Of 9 Apr – 15 Apr
#SELFIE (The Chainsmokers)
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) (Hillsong)
MMM Yeah (Austin Mahone, Pitbull)
Jump (Rihanna)
Fearless (Taylor Swift)
Monster (Nightcore)
You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)
The Top 4 Films Of 9 Apr – 15 Apr
Frances Ha
Salo, Or The 120 Days Of Sodom
Alice In Wonderland (1933) *
*Because of drunkenness and essays, I only viewed four films this week


P.S. I never thought I would kiss someone that hot. Kissing is fun. Fun kissing. Kissing. Kiss… Nope, still not drunk.

1 comment:

  1. "I have this huge thing about not liking being touched, or at least being given some warning), which is really weird." - I should really stop surprise hugging you at uni when I see you and you don't see me :p

    Dancing with excitement and happiness for you and I hope you remember a little more often now that you are awesome and deserve to be happy. Yay for James and how a few good parties can change your whole outlook on life for the better! :)